


Roast, grind, brew and enjoy.

by ximeria



Series: Given enough coffee, I could rule the world [3]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-05
Updated: 2012-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 15:51:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ximeria/pseuds/ximeria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Charles is obviously expecting Erik to make a choice and because of that plays the unnecessary part of the martyr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's been a while since the last update to this series, but rest assured, I haven't forgotten it - again, it's a writing exercise I have to work on in between other fics/challenges, so the updates may not occur that often. However, rest assured, I'm not one for abandoning anything and it WILL be finished.
> 
> This part will have a second chapter, but due to the 13th porn battle, it will be at least a week before I will have time to put it up. Of course, in the mean time, there'll be porn *grins*

Erik walked slowly along the gravel path that circled the house. While his strength had been returning in bounds and leaps over the past week, a mid morning run might not have been his most brilliant plan. However, he had to do something with himself, as he was beginning to feel more than a little stir-crazy.

After all Charles' revelations and the offer to stay and be ...well, whatever apparently he would like to, Erik was not really in doubt as to what he would choose. Charles not pushing was almost disappointing, verging on irritating, at times.

It was also a problem, to Erik, that Charles had stopped using his powers on him, communicating, skimming surface thoughts and worst of all, Charles no longer sought him out even just to share the bed for sleeping in. No kissing, no touching.

And it was driving Erik crazy. He could rationalize that Charles was afraid to influence Erik's choice, or that he through Erik would think he was... and he was giving him a fucking headache as well. Then there was that little voice in the back of Erik's head. Maybe if he said yes, Charles would consider him part of the team, family and that would make him off limits as well? So if he left, he wouldn't get Charles, and if he stayed, he'd see Charles a lot but still not have him?

Erik made a face.

"My, my," Hank said, perched on the balustrade around the small terrace Erik was passing. "Thinking heavy thoughts?" 

Erik shot him a surprised look. He'd been so deep in thoughts that he hadn't noticed him at first. Which said something about Erik's focus, because missing a large, blue furred man like that... yeah. For a moment he considered just denying it, and moving on, but there was something about Hank that tended to put Erik as ease, made him feel like telling the truth.

It was possibly the no bullshit attitude with which he tended to handle anyone, but most notably; Charles.

Hopping up onto the stone balustrade, next to Hank, Erik shrugged. "I'm not really sure," he admitted. "Charles is still waiting for me to make my choice, but I feel like I'm going crazy inside my own head." Shaking his head, Erik turned to look at Hank. "Not that it makes much sense."

"I think I know what you mean," Hank said, cocking his head to the side. "But do go on."

Erik felt a weird compulsion to scratch him behind the ear, but wisely decided against it. "I've always been... on my own," he said, "since I was ten, anyway. " Without meaning to, he rubbed his fingers over the sleeve of his shirt, covering the burned skin. "For years... I was not allowed to make my own choices. Then..." he trailed off, fisting his hand in the material of his sleeve. "When I got out," he said, taking a deep breath.

"I saw the brand," Hank said in a low voice. "No one else has seen it, apart from Charles and he won't ask until you indicate you're ready to talk to him about it."

"I've kept my head down since I escaped and old habits die hard," Erik said with a soft sigh. Somehow it was easier to talk to Hank than even considering breaking the topic with Charles. "My choices have been mine to make and so is this, but... I feel like I'm in over my head."

"You actually feel you need to talk it through with someone," Hank finished for him.

"No... yes," Erik snorted . "I mean, it is still my choice to make, but the impact of my choice, the outcome, I can't even begin to guess at it, because I don't know where I stand, I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle."

Hank shook his head. "You're not sure where you stand with Charles. As for the rest of us, you're more than welcome to stay, we'd love to have you here, but in the end, you need to talk to Charles before you make your choice, or you may make your choice based on erroneous information."

Erik let go of his sleeve and rubbed his forehead. "Essentially, yes, but Charles has made himself scarce and I know that even starting this conversation with him, I'll have to share some things from my past that I would really rather forget about."

McCoy's head snapped up and he let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, but apparently I am needed in my position as a doctor," he said, hopping off the balustrade.

He looked off to the left and Erik followed his gaze. He realized that Logan was walking towards them with Kurt in his arms. Logan looked mildly amused and Kurt only looked a little embarrassed. So obviously nothing life threatening.

"Erik," Hank said, before the two reached them, "Charles is in his study this time of the day and I suggest you talk to him before you tear yourself apart thinking of scenarios that will never happen." He made to leave, then turned back again. "If he tries to give you too much space, think very hard at him - he's notoriously bad at blocking any of us out when we 'yell' loud enough - he's a horrible worrier at times and he never quite stops listening for us in case we need him."

"So, essentially keep pestering him until he stays put long enough for me to catch up?" Erik asked, not even bothering fighting the smile forming on his face.

"Essentially, yes," Hank said, an answering grin showing off his fangs.

Erik stayed where he was. He needed a plan of attack if he was going to do this right.

"McCoy," Logan greeted as he came over, letting Kurt down to stand on his own feet, the boy looking a little sheepish at Erik, then Hank, hanging onto Logan's sleeve with one hand.

"Now, what have you been up to?" Hank asked the boy quietly.

"I was training," Kurt explained in a low voice. "I landed wrong."

"Grabbed on with his tail and ripped the skin off the tip of it," Logan told Hank. "He landed on the old part of the wall and it's not as stable as it looks."

"Oh dear," Hank said, holding out his hand to take Kurt's. "Perhaps we should go find something to clean it with, bandage it and maybe a lollipop to soothe the wounded pride?"

Kurt gripped his hand and let go of Logan with one last little nod. "Strawberry?" he asked as they walked towards the nearest entrance to the mansion.

Erik didn't hear Hank's reply, far too focused on watching Logan, watching him. He still didn't feel at ease around the man, but as his powers were returning, he could tell that there was a lot of metal inside Logan, and that alone, at least, granted him a certain feeling of safety.

"Huh," Logan finally said, ending their staring contest, turning on his heel. "Lehnsherr," he said, looking over his shoulder as he followed the same path that Hank and Kurt had left by, "I'm not sure why, but I keep thinking I've come across your scent before."

Erik just stared at him. "I've never met you before," he said, truthfully. He was pretty sure that he would have remembered.

Logan made a small noise that sounded somewhere between a chuckle and a snort before leaving Erik to his own thoughts.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Erik quieted his breathing and reopened them. First things first, he'd have a shower, then see what he could do to track down Charles and _make_ him talk.

\--

The shower worked wonders for Erik's head and ability to think, though his body was lobbying for rest still. Stretching out all the kinks and feeling a lot better than he had in a long while, Erik dressed - not in the sweats that he had gotten used to, but a pair of jeans that had been left for him a few days earlier. No longer feeling weak like a kitten, dressing customarily in jeans and, with the lack of the turtlenecks he favored, the top of a track suit.

Erik had spent the shower wondering how he was supposed to corner Charles, but had eventually realized that the best way would be the straight forward way.

He'd asked himself as well what he would do if Charles kept avoiding him, but he'd ruthlessly squashed that thought. Until Charles told him he wasn't interested, Erik would give him the benefit of doubt. He might have pushed if he had been someone else, but Erik would take one thing at a time. He could be on his own again if need be.

As long as he did not get too used to the Xavier mansion and its inhabitants. More precisely; Charles.

Shoes and socks on, Erik made his way to Charles' study. He would try there first, in case Hank was right. If not, he'd follow the rest of Hank's suggestion. Yell until he was heard.

Of course there was no sign of Charles in the study. That would have been too easy.

"I'm not backing down," Erik said out loud, even though there was no one there to hear him. Closing his eyes, he tried concentrating. He wondered for a moment if there were any other telepaths in the school, then shrugged. Even if there was, he would try to focus on Charles.

_'Charles.'_

Erik opened his eyes again, muttered under his breath, then pushed his thoughts at Charles as hard as he could.

 _'Erik! Stop, please,'_ Charles voice begged in his mind. _'I've been keeping an 'ear' out for you, but I was having a nap and didn't react fast enough,'_ he added with humor. _'You are a natural at projecting, apparently, please desist yelling at me like that - it hurts.'_

Erik felt a little guilty about it, but he needed to make his choice and the longer he waited, the more awkward it would be for him. _'I'm sorry, Charles,'_ he thought, wondering if he was managing to bring the level down enough.

 _'It's fine, Erik, don't worry,'_ Charles answered him, the voice in his mind soft and welcoming. _'I'm in my room. You know the way, I believe?'_

Erik nodded, then thought _'Yes'_. He remembered it from when Charles had shown him around.

 _'We'll talk when you get here,'_ Charles said.

Erik felt him draw away again and felt a little bereft. How he could have gotten used to Charles this fast, on a level where he actually might _want_ Charles in his mind? Erik shook his head and set off for the rooms upstairs.

The softness in Charles 'voice' tore at him as he walked up the stairs, stepping aside to let a couple of students pass by. It was almost as if Charles had been blowing hot and cold since Erik had arrived. Or rather, since he had been offered to stay, really. Before that, he and Charles had kissed, more than a few times, and Charles had slept alongside him through more than a few nights.

After the offer, however, Charles had kept his distance. Erik laughed to himself. It was absurd to think that Charles could keep from influencing Erik's choice. He had already done so, merely by being himself. At least Erik hoped that Charles had merely given him room to choose, because if that wasn't the reason, then Erik wasn't sure he wanted to know and incidentally, it would make his choice that much easier to make. He wouldn't stay where he wasn't wanted.

Erik stopped for a moment outside of Charles' room, then knocked and waited to be told to come in.

 _'Door's open, my friend,'_ Charles told him.

Walking in, Erik stopped for a moment, realizing that Charles was still stretched out on the bed, the wheelchair abandoned next to it. "I'm sorry if I woke you up," Erik said quietly, still a little unsure about how to act around Charles.

Charles shook his head and waved him over. "It's okay," he said with a grin, "I sat up half the night working on an article and stupidly thought I could rise at my usual time and just carry on as usual."

Erik thought about dragging a chair over, but since he was partly there because of how he felt for this man, Charles could damned well just accept him the way he was. He walked over and sat down on the bed, facing Charles and with one foot still on the floor.

"Erik... ," Charles said, taking a deep breath and looking him straight in the eyes.

"Just... answer me one question," Erik cut him off, forcing his own voice to be as even as possible. "Have you been keeping your distance, since you made me the offer to stay, out of some warped sense of right, of chivalry?"

Charles blinked at him in surprise and there was no way that Erik was going to admit, least of all to himself, that it made Charles look utterly cute and harmless.

"I've been pretty stupid about this, haven't I?" Charles asked, a slight flush coloring his cheeks.

"For a telepath," Erik said, "you've been pretty oblivious."

Charles covered his own mouth with his hand and shook his head. "I can't believe... well, I sort of can," he amended. "I'm so used to reading people's moods from their surface thoughts, and I've been so afraid of influencing you, or have you think I might attempt something like that."

"Charles, that's downright stupid," Erik argued, shaking his head. Apparently Charles was trying to be so good that he was acting like a complete moron.

"Erik, please," Charles interrupted him. "I've never asked anyone to join us like this - I mean sure, we've offered people to stay, to become part of the team before, but... I've never done it like this, like...," he made a frustrated noise. "I've never wanted anyone to stay the way I want you to," he finally forced out. The flush deepened. "I want you to stay with _me_ , Erik. By _my_ side."

The weight on Erik's chest seemed to lessen enough for him to feel a little dizzy. So he'd been right. So maybe he could, _should_ take this chance. As alluring as the offer of a new start anywhere he'd like was... it did not hold half the pull that Charles' admission did.

Charles slid his hand up to cover his eyes, and his shoulders hunched.

"You're a really sorry excuse for a telepath," Erik said softly, kicking his shoes off and climbing into the ridiculously big bed. He knelt next to Charles and gently took a hold of Charles' wrist, pulling his hand down. "Charles, read my mind, just the surface of it," he said, taking a deep breath. It was no more than what Charles normally did, and all the other stuff, his past, he wanted to talk to Charles about it, but first, it seemed, he had to set a few things straight.

Charles bit his lower lip, then nodded and tentatively reached up to cup Erik's face with his free hand.

If he hadn't been so damned worried, Erik would have allowed himself to get lost in that sight. As it was, he felt a little nauseous and a lot worried, but there was no going back now. He pulled Charles hand up, that he was still holding on to, and placed it against the other side of his face.

"I don't think I have to," Charles said, sheepishly, "I _have_ been a bit stupid about this, huh?"

Erik didn't answer, just nodded.

"So you'll stay."

Erik was glad to notice that there was little in there even hinting at a question. "Not that we don't still need to talk," he said. "I think there are things you should know about my past."

Charles slid the hand not under Erik's down to rest on his arm, right where the sleeve of Erik's shirt covered the brand. "All in good time, Erik. There's no hurry."

Erik found that he wanted to, that he wanted to say to Charles, 'It's what I want, I need to tell someone. Tell you.' When he voiced it, in a voice so low it was barely a whisper, he was rewarded with the sweetest smile he had ever seen.

And it would all be okay. He'd made the right choice and for once in his life, this choice was not a road travelled by the fewest, but a road he wouldn't be walking alone.

"I've missed the Charles I met in the hospital," Erik admitted as he carefully lay down next to Charles, pulling the sheets up to cover their legs. "The one who hit on me the first day and then relentlessly pursued me."

Charles face colored again, but he gave a small nod, letting Erik adjust him so they were comfortable against each other, Charles leaning against his side.

Erik closed his eyes. "I was ten when I lost my parents," he began, gladly accepting the silent strength that Charles offered. "I had no other close family, and even if I had had, I don't think it would have kept me safe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end this just before Erik's back-story, but rest assured, I've got it plotted out and I will give it the focus it deserves after this porn battle is over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Erik finally gets to share some of his past with someone who understands him better than he might think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter in this part. I'm well aware there are a few loose ends still, but rest assured, the series will have one final part at some point (when I'm done with the rabid plot bunny currently wreaking havoc in the pen.

"Shortly after their death, government employed men picked me up, I think they might've been KGB or something similar," Erik said quietly, tightening his hold on Charles' hand. Although he had decided to share this, now and with Charles, allowing his memories to resurface... it made him feel nauseous.

Of all the wrong things that Charles could have done, asked him to stop, if he needed to, told him it was alright, he did none of it. Erik wondered for a moment if it was because of his powers, or if it was simply because he was who he was. All Charles did was rub his thumb along the back of Erik's hand and wait patiently for Erik to go on.

"I knew nothing really, nothing of what it was like outside the small village im Ost...," Erik trailed off. "The village was in East Germany, and I didn't know a lot about western Europe, let alone the US," he continued. "In The eighties, in the Eastern Block... It was easy being picked up and just as easy to ...'get lost' or 'be displaced'."

Erik focused on Charles' even breathing, the nearness and body heat. "It was the summer before the wall fell, and I had the misfortune of falling into the hands of a department of the KGB, a very corrupt department. They..." Erik drew a deep breath. He'd never told anyone this, never put it into words. "They sold me to Sebastian Shaw."

The quiet calm emanating from Charles shattered and Erik's head jolted up, and he could not help but stare at Charles's wide eyes. "You know him," he said, not even a question, because Charles' expression and the wave of pain and understanding Erik could feel from him denied him any doubt.

Charles swallowed hard, his breathing quickening a little. "Yes." Obviously steeling himself, he slipped his arms tighter around Erik. "Go on. I think, when you've shared what you can, that I'll be sharing a few things with you as well."

Erik stared at him. Although Charles had been easy to read a moment before, there was no guessing what he was hiding at that very moment.

Charles finally had a ghost of a smile across his lips, before he leaned forward and pressed his lips drily to Erik's. "Go on, please."

Nodding, Erik went on. "I was taken to a facility somewhere in the States, or I later learned it was in the States," he amended. "In the beginning I didn't understand anything the guards said among themselves."

"You learned," Charles finished for him.

Erik nodded. "I didn't let on at first how well and how fast I learned the language." A small weapon, he left unsaid. A child's only defense.

"You were alone, I take it?" Charles asked, softly, rubbing the tips of his fingers in small circles on the small of Erik's back.

"Most of the time," Erik admitted. The cells had been white, bare save for the narrow cot built into the wall and the toilet bowl in the corner.

"Eventually they dragged me out, after days of solitary confinement and..." Erik swallowed down the bile. "They..."

Charles slid a hand down to rest on Erik's forearm. "This," he finished quietly for Erik.

"In case we escaped," Erik said, feeling the cold, heavy feeling in his gut. "Like cattle."

"Would you like it removed?" Charles asked breathlessly.

Erik turned his head a little to look into his eyes. "I'm not sure it's that easy."

"Hank does a good job with those," Charles said, his gaze intense.

"He..." Erik trailed off.

"You're not the first to come here with that brand," Charles said quietly, "but continue, I'll explain afterwards."

Erik wanted so much to ask, but he knew that if he stopped his tale now, he'd lose his momentum all together and probably wouldn't be able to bring himself to dig it back out.

"I was there for years. Shaw's favorite, it seem." A sound somewhere between a sob and a mirthless laugh escaped him. "Not the kind of attention you'd ever want to attract."

Erik wondered briefly if Charles wanted a blow by blow of what they'd done to him.

"No," Charles said, drawing him in for an achingly soft kiss. "Just tell me what you feel comfortable with. There were others there, did you ever meet them?" Form friendships, the question is left unasked.

"We were put together occasionally, but most of us were so scared we didn't know what to do with it." Erik paused for a moment, almost feeling transported back to the bright, white room where they would be benched a couple of times a week, sat down in rows of thin, scared children, heads shaven for hygiene, eyes hollow and haunted.

"Come back to me, Erik," Charles whispered into his hair. "Don't let it drag you back there."

The chill of the room, the smell of antiseptics and the sense of fear and gloom in the air was replaced by the enticing scent of Charles, bed-warm, the ambience of the cozy bedroom, the heat of his body against Erik's.

"I just wanted out of there," Erik said quietly. "I spent most of a decade sitting either in a solitary cell, or among children who were as scared as I was or in Shaw's lab, poked and prodded and pushed to use my powers," Erik paused for a moment. "I preferred solitary."

"I can't say I blame you," Charles agreed softly. "But you got out."

"It's so strange when I think back," Erik admitted. "I mean, a lot of it I don't remember clearly, but I had been in the lab most of the day, they'd pushed me beyond what I could handle, my body felt brittle... but at the same time, they had managed what they wanted."

"Erik?"

"They had pushed my powers so far I could feel every piece of metal in the installation," Erik said with a sigh. He hadn't had that level of awareness since, apart from, maybe, holding the building up around Charles and him after the explosion.

Charles drew in a quick and hard breath, but didn't interrupt.

"I was thinking about pulling it down on top of myself, letting the metal and concrete finally finish me off." Erik trailed off again. He could, for just a split second, taste an echo of his own desperation.

"Oh Erik," Charles said, grief thick in his voice.

Erik frowned. "Don't feel bad about it Charles, it was so long ago and I didn't do it."

"Yes you did," Charles said, taking a deep breath. "Or you tried anyway."

Erik pulled back and stared at him with surprise. "How..."

"You may not know this," Charles said quietly, holding Erik's gaze, "or rather, I know you don't know this, but that day, when you felt so ready to end it all and take the whole facility with you, I lost the use of my legs, I thought I was done for, recklessly having thought I could infiltrate the same facility."

Shaking his head, Erik didn't know what to say. "But..," he slid his hand from Charles' hip to his thigh, knowing Charles couldn't feel it. Had he done that when the building had begun trembling? Had he pulled..."

"No!" Charles reached up to grip his chin and held his head still, almost hard enough to hurt where his fingers were digging into Erik's skin. "If anything, you saved me, saved everyone by buying us some essential moments."

"But I barely made the metal of the place tremble," Erik said, with a shake of his head, "I can't have been powerful enough..."

"And yet you jumped to the conclusion that you'd pulled the place down on top of me and damaged my spine?" Charles asked the question without spite or ridicule, but with a great deal of warmth and exasperation.

Erik shrugged. Put that way he could see the silliness of his guilt.

"Trust me," Charles said, dropping another kiss on Erik's lips, one he almost managed to reciprocate before Charles pulled back again, "you did more than send a tremor through the complex." Charles rubbed his thumb along Erik's lower lip, making him shiver. "The whole place rippled, that's the only way I can describe it."

"What were you doing there?" Erik asked, allowing his own hands to roam up and down Charles' side.

"Being young, thinking I could save the world," Charles said with a small laugh. "Thinking I could save every mutant in that place."

"Which you did," Erik stated. "You..." All the things he had never learned about. The things that had come after the cells had been popped open and he'd run, never looking back. "I don't even know how I got out," he admitted.

"We managed to get quite a few of the children together, but you must have slipped through the net," Charles said with a sigh. "I have to admit I was busy pulling Logan from Shaw's grasp and aiding him in..." he shook his head. "It's not a pleasant memory," he admitted.

"Shaw never came after me," Erik said quietly. "I never had the guts to find out if he was alive or..."

"He's dead," Charles said with conviction. "I know he is, because I held him still while Logan cut his throat." Charles swallowed hard, eyes full of pain. "Which had to be done so slowly because of Shaw's regenerative abilities."

Erik just stared at him. He'd already had to rearrange his world to fit Charles in as the mentor and leader of the famous X-men. Now he had to...

"Oh, Erik, I'm still me," Charles chuckled softly, drawing Erik in for a long, slow kiss that left the both of them breathless.

Resting his forehead against Charles', Erik breathed in deeply. "I think I'll really have to digest all this, you...," he touched Charles' cheek, wonderingly taking in as Charles leaned into the touch. "You held him, you... felt him die?" Erik guessed, because as much as he could tell that holding Shaw still to let Logan kill him couldn't have been easy for Charles, imagining...

"Yes," Charles admitted. "I felt him die, that's why I can tell you with absolute conviction that he will never turn up in your life again." 

Erik nodded slowly.

"Something shook the very foundation of the complex that day," Charles said. "Shaw lost control of the situation for just one split second which was enough for Logan to get the helmet off him. The one that protected him from any telepathic attack." Charles made a pained noise. "Shaw had just thrown me clear across the room, slamming me into the concrete wall. I could feel, even through my pain and through the focus I had to have on Shaw, that someone below us was using an incredible amount of power. I just thought I'd imagined half of it when we didn't find anyone among the liberated mutants anywhere near strong enough to fit the bill."

"You looked." Erik was floored. If he'd stayed, if he hadn't fled, he might have...

"Don't...," Charles said softly. "Don't think about what could've been. You and I still managed to find each other and this time around there's no running away." He frowned, then looked apologetic. "Unless you want to go, of course."

"Charles, don't be an idiot," Erik said with a small laugh. "Just... when I say I need time to digest it all, I need just that." This time he initiated the kiss. "Saying that does not mean I'm going anywhere," he whispered against Charles' lips.

"So you're staying in my bed?" Charles asked hopefully, the look in his eyes turning decidedly calculating.

"Unless you're throwing me out," Erik said, only half joking.

Charles slid his hand down and the way the fingers curled and tightened in Erik's shirt, gave Erik the answer he needed..

"Hank said you should still be taking it easy," Charles said with a small smile. "Have a nap with me?"

Erik took a deep breath, then nodded slowly. He could have this, he could allow himself a sort of fresh start on his life. He still wanted to know who had planted a bomb in his home, who had dropped a building on Charles and him, but for the moment he would gather his strength and maybe, just maybe, get to have a little peace and quiet.


End file.
